When you’re in a relationship with another person, it’s preferable that you like spending time with them, because otherwise—what’s the point, right? Still, no matter how much you like to spend time together, remembering to spend some apart is important, too.
Apparently, the last message didn’t reach today’s OP’s husband. And that drives his wife mad. The man wants to be in contact with her basically 24/7, to the point where the woman simply runs out of things to talk about. Still, he doesn’t see a point in stopping. Sounds rather insufferable, doesn’t it?
More info: Reddit
RELATED:While it’s always good when people in relationships like each other’s company, it’s important to remember that being at least a little bit apart is healthy, too
A woman’s husband has to drive a long way to work, and the whole time, he loves talking to her on the phone
While that would be kind of wholesome, in reality, it isn’t, as his rides take 5 hours or so
That means they have to talk to each other for such a long time, and when you already live together, how could you come up with more topics?
What’s even worse, every time the woman wants to do something else besides talking to her husband, he starts guilt-tripping her, saying that they have nothing to talk about
Every week, the OP’s husband of 8 years drives hundreds of miles to work. Since that kind of trip takes quite a lot of time, he needs to come up with ways to entertain himself while driving. In such situations, some people opt for audiobooks, podcasts, music, brain games, and mental things like that.
The original poster’s husband doesn’t want any of this; instead, he would rather talk to his wife. While that would be rather wholesome, his drives are actually very long, and he wants to talk to her the whole time.
So, imagine having to talk continuously with someone you already live with for 5 hours or more. It’s more than normal to run out of topics to cover in such cases. If you spend most of the time just talking together, you don’t have enough experience to know what to discuss.
This is exactly what drives the OP mad – she just doesn’t have enough brain power (and ideas) to talk about for such a long time. After all, this trip is not just a one-time thing—it happens on a regular basis.
If she brings up her disdain for this activity to her husband, he starts whining about how they’re “another couple who have nothing to talk about.” This just enrages the post’s author more. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean talking almost non-stop 24/7, sometimes just being in each other’s company is more than enough.
In fact, it’s healthy to spend at least a little time apart, as it’s important to remember that you’re more than just a person in a relationship—you’re your own person, too.
Not knowing how to spend time on your own and constantly relying on your partner for entertainment just screams codependent relationship. To talk more about such relationships, We reached out to Chenglu Ding, M.S.Ed., M.Phil.Ed., therapist at A Better Life Therapy.
She explained that basically, codependency is when one person needs to shrink their needs to keep the peace. Or in other words: “It crosses a boundary where the balance of care and responsibility becomes one-sided and emotionally draining.”
While we don’t want to speculate about strangers’ relationships too much, the way OP described hers, it sounds like a codependent one. The husband wants to be constantly in contact with her, since she’s like the only friend he has, and he loses his cool when she doesn’t.Basically, he’s seeking something our interviewee called enmeshment. It’s when people get involved with each other to the degree that’s it’s worrisome, that they almost become one.
The problem is that usually, such dynamics become quite detrimental to the people involved. M.S.Ed., M.Phil.Ed. Chenglu Ding explained that it can lead to excessive worry and anxiety about a loved one’s issues; depression and emptiness, since personal life takes a pause; resentment and anger, when they feel unappreciated.
All of them can mesh into loss of self-identity and result in problems even outside of this relationship: “Codependency can make it difficult for individuals to form healthy, reciprocal relationships where they feel seen and valued as themselves.”
Today’s OP clearly wants to nip her husband’shabit in the bud enough to complain about it online. When she did, netizenssaid that the woman needs to start setting boundaries—such a situation can’t go on as it’s clearly making her lose her marbles. Everything shouldn’t revolve around what the husband wants—they need to find a compromise.
Since there’s no update, we can only hope that the post’s author took netizens’ advice and that it improved her life. After all, it’s always good to hope for the best, isn’t it?
Netizens pointed out that the woman needs to set boundaries as soon as possible, since the situation is far from healthy and will only get worse if it continues
