Wedding photos help us remember our big day even years after the fact. And most couples are willing to spend a pretty penny on it. According to The Knot, the average cost of a wedding photographer in the U.S. is $2,900. Coupled with $1,900-$2,100 for a videographer, you’d hope that even your second cousin’s dog is in the pictures.
But not this bride. She excluded her husband’s entire family from her wedding photos. So, when the time came for the SIL’s wedding, the bride came up with a petty strategy to get back at the woman tenfold.
We reached out to the bride-to-be, u/noodinthegarden, and she kindly agreed to tell us why she felt justified in her plan and whether she still intends to carry it out. Read our conversation with the author below!
RELATED:A bride excluded her husband’s family from wedding photos, angering the SIL
So, during her own wedding, the SIL came up with a plan to trick her into thinking she’ll be in all the photos
“The people criticizing me for not letting it go? They’re probably on the wrong subreddit,” the bride told We
Even to this day, more than four years later, the bride believes her SIL excluded her and her family from her wedding photographs on purpose. “After asking kindly twice in 2021, fast-forward to May 2023 – same question, same answer, and she basically gaslit me by acting like the photos didn’t exist.”
“But I know they do,” the author of the post reiterates. “I watched them being taken. So yes, I believe it was intentional. It seemed like a very clear choice to exclude the groom’s side of the family.”
“We all traveled a long way to be there, and she made it very obvious that we didn’t matter to her,” the bride says, emphasizing the thing about the SIL’s behavior that hurt most.
u/noodinthegarden’s post received mixed reactions, with many people saying that the bride should focus on her wedding and not some petty revenge drama. But the Redditor tells We she wasn’t surprised to receive such reactions.
“I know she was intentionally being petty on her wedding day, and not just to one person, but the entire groom’s side. The people criticizing me for not letting it go? They’re probably on the wrong subreddit.”
At the same time, she admits that some details of her plan might be a little too much. “After reading the feedback, I do think that assigning the videographer a special job to make her ‘feel seen’ might be a bit dramatic. I could just ask him not to include her in the final video and leave it at that.”
“Posting the story a little early definitely opened the floodgates for unsolicited advice, though!” the bride adds.
In the end, u/noodinthegarden believes her SIL deserves what’s coming to her. “Even though I’m on my healing journey, I’m not going to pass up what feels like the only opportunity for equal treatment. This is my one and only petty crime,” she says.
The Redditor isn’t affected by people saying she’s stooping to her SIL’s level. “This isn’t about her being the main character in my story. She isn’t. People commenting that she’s ‘living in my head rent-free’ really don’t get it.”
Couples should let people know beforehand if they’re not going to be in the wedding portraits
When deciding who will be in your wedding photos, photographers and planners advise making a comprehensive list. It should include all the combinations of who will be posing with whom.
It’s not unusual to exclude distant relatives like second cousins, aunts, and uncles from taking portraits. If the bride and groom don’t have a close relationship with them, it’s natural to prioritize other family members with whom they get along better and want memories to be preserved.
If there are people you don’t wish to be a part of the portrait-taking process, it’s important to have these conversations before the wedding. Moesia Davis of Mo Davis Fine Art Photographytold The Knot that sometimes significant others get excluded from family portraits.
But if you handle the conversation with grace prior to the photoshoot, there shouldn’t be any problems. She recommends giving a short explanation about your decision and offering some compromise if they don’t take it really well.
At the end of the day, a wedding is about what the happy couple wants. “My job is not to please your wedding guests,” Davis says. “My job is to make sure the wedding day is seamless and to honor you, the couple, and your time.”
Preparing for the wedding photoshoot beforehand should make the process easier
Wedding planning takes a lot of time and effort. Deciding who to include in family photos is yet another decision that the bride and groom have to make.
On average, wedding photographers take from 800 to 1,500 photographs. Family portraits make up a nice chunk of that number.
Most photographers and wedding planners advise prioritizing the immediate family. Parents and children should be the first ones to get portraits together and separately with the bride and groom. Then it’s the bridesmaids and groomsmen, grandparents, siblings, godparents, and other important people in the couple’s lives.
To make the process smoother, some photographers might ask for a list beforehand. Preparation is key, New York City-based wedding photographer Jenny Fu told Brides. “Each grouping takes around three to five minutes to organize, so it’s essential to build this time into your timeline.”
Sometimes, one of the guests might be of huge help when it comes to making things smoother. “Nominate someone to help your photographer by grabbing all the right people for each shot,” Olivia Velarde, director of Wedgewood Weddings, says. “A family member in the wedding party will usually know everyone and can help wrangle guests!”
Again, it’s okay to say “No” to some family members being in the photos. Editor Ellen O’Brien at Brides emphasizes that it’s completely acceptable not to want people you don’t get along with to be in your wedding photos.
“If you don’t have a close relationship with an extended family member, it’s perfectly fine to leave them out of family photos.”
Commenters had even more petty suggestions: “Don’t give her enough forks”
Yet some people thought the bride was spending too much time and energy making her wedding about someone else
Others, on the other hand, enjoyed the pettiness: “Good for you”
A few people shared similar wedding drama stories
