Cross-cultural dating often comes with the challenge of relating to your partner’s family. After all, cultural differences, expectations, and even languages can become barriers. So developing a relationship with your partner’s family can often take that extra bit of work.
A man started taking Portuguese lessons to get closer to his GF’s family, only to learn that they were constantly insulting him behind his back. He consulted with the internet over what to do and netizens shared some support. Later, OP also returned with a sizable update on how he decided to handle the situation.
RELATED:Overcoming cross-cultural differences in dating can be difficult
But one man tried to learn his GF’s native language, only to discover that her parents disliked him
OP shared an update a few days later
Some parents are horrible, but one should stand up for their partner
As many couples learn the hard way, cross-cultural dating is easier said than done. Initial chemistry and even love may sometimes run aground when the couple has to negotiate familial expectations. Sometimes this is enough to end the relationship, sometimes it seems like it’s going fine, but as OP’s story shows, a language barrier is no small issue to surmount.
The truth is, it’s entirely possible to have major confrontations over words even when you do speak the same language. The real issue is both the lack of trust and the lack of support. It’s not like you can really hold it against a person if their parents are horrible and mean. After all, it’s a terribly common affliction.
The real issue, which OP grappled with, was the fact that his GF seemed to go along with the behavior. While there are some scenarios where her actions sort of make sense, OP does provide evidence that she seems to not even care. From her perspective, to play the devil’s advocate, he doesn’t know what they are saying and she likely can’t do anything to stop them.
As he shares in the update, it’s a complicated issue, but ultimately he took the internet’s advice and moved on from this situation. The fact that she didn’t seem to care has two possible explanations. Either she understands and wants to avoid the blame game (which she will lose) or she never cared for the relationship enough anyway. After all, if you are serious about someone, you will either get your parents in line or make sure your partner doesn’t have to avoid them.
It’s impossible to be in a functional relationship without trust
At the same time, she is perfectly capable (although for some reason not willing) of being honest with her partner and suggesting a better course of action, for example, avoiding her parent’s place in general. She does not take any of these steps. We do not and can’t know if she could have changed her parent’s minds. More importantly, we don’t even know if she wanted to.
This is ultimately OP’s main issue with the relationship and why he decides to terminate it. Trust is not just an important concept in a relationship, it’s a necessary component. After all, if his GF wasn’t willing to tell him the truth or stand up for him, what else is she hiding or not willing to do? This can’t be exclusively blamed on cross-cultural communication, as not every couple in this situation has to deal with one set of parents being downright horrible.
Even worse, he clearly was taking steps to be closer to them. You don’t tend to learn another language just for a casual relationship, so this woman was clearly important to OP. It’s ultimately good that he revealed his language knowledge at dinner. At the very least, they will think twice before running their mouths again.
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