How much would you spend to attend someone’s wedding?
This Redditor put down a hefty $5,000 CAD for a destination trip, covering flights and a resort stay for the celebration. But after a falling out with the couple, she stepped down as a bridesmaid and decided to skip the ceremony entirely—choosing instead to enjoy the vacation she had already paid for.
The couple didn’t take it well. Out of spite, they told her she wasn’t welcome and warned her not to show up. But she wasn’t about to walk away from a $5K trip without a fight. Here’s how she handled it.
RELATED:The woman backed out of the wedding after a fallout with the couple
Still, she wasn’t ready to waste the $5K she’d spent, even as the bride and groom tried everything to stop her
How to be a considerate bride, according to experts
A wedding is a celebration of love, not just between the couple, but also with the friends and family who show up to celebrate it with you.
But when you’re caught up in planning “the perfect day,” it’s easy to forget that your bridal party are real people with their own lives, jobs, and stress. Bridesmaids are usually the ones holding you up through all the chaos. If too much is piled on their shoulders, they may carry the strain right into the ceremony, or, as in this story, end up not making it at all.
To help avoid that kind of wedding drama, experts share their best advice on how to be a thoughtful bride and keep your friendships strong.
Don’t rely on group chats for everything
Weddings and bachelorette parties often run on endless group chats—part organized chaos, part comedy show. Messages get lost, people argue, and decisions drag on forever.
Hanna Lustig at Glamour points to a clever solution from Talia Morales, a Wedding TikTok creator. Instead of relying on nonstop messaging, she asked her bridal party to fill out a detailed Google Forms survey. It gathered each bridesmaid’s availability and preferences in one place for easy reference later. Genius.
Communicate what really matters to you
“We have to look inward as a bride,” wedding planner Jessica Ashley told Glamour. “What matters to me? Is a big, fun bachelorette in Scottsdale only important to me because Brittany had one in Scottsdale? Or is it because I want to have one in Scottsdale?”
A little self-reflection goes a long way. Figure out what truly makes you happy and share that with your bridesmaids. It helps them understand your priorities without guessing or assuming.
Take those matching $30 bachelorette T-shirts, for example. If you genuinely want them, great, they’re cute and make for fun photos. But if you don’t care and no one else does either, skip the expense and the hassle.
Make “no” an acceptable answer
Being asked to be a bridesmaid is a big honor, but it shouldn’t feel like an unshakable obligation.
“A lot of times I feel like [the tension] comes from the need to have to say yes, because it’s just so hard to say no to your friend,” Ashley said. “It really is. So if there was this beautiful trend that made it okay to say no in a way that had no reflection on the relationship and it was just an honest glimpse into that person’s life and their boundaries… I would love for that to happen.”
“I think those conversations are really beautiful to have, and I think we need to welcome those conversations more instead of feeling like, Oh, I’m not going to be friends with that person now. I think that’s so immature.”
Show your bridesmaids they matter
When you’ve got a loyal crew helping you pull off your wedding day, don’t let their efforts go unnoticed. Bridesmaids typically stand beside you during the ceremony, but that’s not the only way to recognize them.
Inside Weddings suggests highlighting them on your wedding website or program and making sure they can actually enjoy the celebration, not just run around completing tasks. A little appreciation can make the experience special for them too.
Choose meaningful gifts
It’s tradition to give your bridesmaids a gift during the rehearsal dinner or while getting ready. Inside Weddings recommends making it meaningful.
Avoid trinkets that will only collect dust after the wedding. Something with your names and wedding date might sound sentimental, but often ends up unused. Instead, pick gifts that feel personal and show genuine gratitude for their support.
When your bridal party feels valued and stress-free, your celebration is bound to be happier for everyone, including you.
The woman later shared more details in the comments
Readers felt she shouldn’t give up and offered ideas on what to try next
Fortunately, she was able to secure her hotel booking
Readers were relieved for her and sent good wishes for a well-deserved holiday
In the end, the woman revealed how the bride ended up losing all of her bridesmaids
