You know that one person who just has to spoil the end of the movie while you’re still watching the trailer? Sometimes the urge to “just say it” can cause more damage than a thousand words ever could.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) tried to support her sister during the devastating loss of her husband. However, after asking her husband not to break the sad news to her sister’s kids, he did just that.
More info: Reddit
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The author took in her niece and nephew to support her sister while the children’s father was terminally ill
After the father’s death, she rushed to be with her grieving sister, asking her husband to watch the kids and not tell them the news
Despite clear instructions, her husband broke the news to the kids prematurely, causing them to break down emotionally
The sister was devastated and banned the author’s husband from the funeral, and he claimed it was unfair and petty
The OP’s brother-in-law had been sick for six months and over time, he got worse, so she took her sister’s kids in to give her time to focus on her husband’s final days. When he passed away, her sister made one clear request: she wanted to be the one to tell her kids about their father’s death.
The OP agreed and made her husband promise not to say a word while she went to support her sister. Sadly, that promise didn’t hold up for long because despite his nod of agreement, the husband broke the news to the children just one hour after she left. The kids were shattered, and their cries reached their mother through the phone before she even saw them.
The OP and her sister rushed home, and while the sister shut the door to comfort them, the OP confronted her husband. He explained his reason for breaking the news to them, stating that he couldn’t stand hearing them talk about seeing their dad again.
Despite his apologies, the damage had already been done. The OP’s sister asked that he stay away from the children, especially after seeing their breakdown. She even requested that he not attend the funeral, but he got upset, claiming it was unfair and petty of her sister to exclude him from the funeral.
To better understand the psychological impact of premature or unexpected parental death on children, We spoke with clinical psychologist Christabell Madondo, who emphasized how deeply such news can affect a child’s emotional well-being.
She explained that children may experience intense grief reactions like shock, anxiety, or guilt, and if left unsupported, could develop depression or trauma-related symptoms over time. “How kids process loss often depends on their age,” she noted, pointing out that younger kids might regress, while teenagers might act out or wrestle with existential questions.
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We also asked why some adults tend to override others’ wishes during grief-related situations, to which Madondo explained that this behavior often stems from a combination of control, discomfort, and misunderstanding. “In grief, the need for control can be a way to restore order amid emotional tension,” she said.
She explained that discomfort arises when people struggle to accept grief expressions different from their own, leading them to impose what they believe is best. Additionally, misunderstandings around cultural or personal grieving styles may prompt well-meaning but misguided actions.
Lastly, we explored the long-term effects of violating emotional boundaries within grieving families, and Madondo warned that ignoring these boundaries can erode trust and even bring about resentment.
“Family members may end up suppressing emotions, which can lead to unresolved grief, anxiety, or depression,” she said, noting that such breaches often result in emotional distance or estrangement, which could explain why the OP’s sister requested that the husband not be present at the funeral.
Netizens criticized the OP’s husband for blatantly disregarding a very clear and important boundary set by the grieving mother, and that his actions caused unnecessary trauma to two young children. They also took issue with his reaction after the fact, viewing his insistence on attending the funeral and framing himself as the victim as deeply inappropriate.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the husband was genuinely trying to help, or was he completely out of line regardless? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that her husband was totally wrong for going against the clear instructions of not telling the kids about the death of their father
