Trying for a baby isn’t always plain sailing. Some couples try for years and never have success, prompting them to pursue options like fertility treatment, surrogacy, and even natural remedies, supplements, and extreme diets.
One woman who says she and her husband tried to get pregnant for ages was shocked when he casually let his secret reason the couple might not have had success making a baby slip. Now, she’s wondering if she’s overreacting.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:Getting pregnant can be more challenging than it seems, but this woman’s husband secretly did his best to sabotage the couple’s early efforts
While out on a date, they were discussing how happy they were that they hadn’t gotten pregnant years ago
That’s when the woman’s husband casually let it slip that he’d tried to avoid getting pregnant by secretly pleasuring himself every time before they got intimate
The woman says she was shocked, especially since one of the aspects of their relationship she prized most was honesty
While her husband thought it was no big deal, the hurt woman turned to netizens to ask whether she was overreacting
After reading some of the responses from netizens, the woman and her husband patched things up and even had a few laughs
OP had thought she and her husband shared everything. That is, until a casual dinner date uncovered a long-hidden truth. Years ago, when she was baby-crazy and trying hard to conceive, he had secretly sabotaged things. His confession? He’d, uh, prepped himself daily to lower the chances. She was traumatized. Wasn’t honesty their whole thing?
The moment hit OP hard. She cried mid-date, trying to process what felt like emotional betrayal. It wasn’t the baby part (she admits she’s now glad they didn’t have kids then) but rather that he had never just said, “I’m not ready.” Instead, he played along physically while secretly pulling away. That gap between words and actions cut OP deep.
After posting her story in an online community, responses poured in. Some were extreme, while others were comforting. Reflecting on it all, she says she realized she’d been so hyper-focused on motherhood that she may have missed her hubby’s subtle signals. Still, she wasn’t angry about what he did; just that he didn’t talk to her openly about it.
The silver lining? They talked it out. Like, really talked. He apologized, she explained, and they laughed at some comments together and agreed on better honesty going forward. Also, PSA: they now know that his “method” isn’t exactly doctor-approved birth control.
From what OP tells us in her post, a lack of clear and honest communication on her husband’s part ended up snowballing into what almost became serious relationship drama. Fortunately for them, and thanks to the help of netizens, a crisis was averted, but how can couples do their best to stay on the same page? We went looking for answers.
In her article for Healthline, Cindy Lamothe writes that effective communication for couples can include focusing on finding a compromise and taking steps to both listen and be heard. According to Lamothe, the key to any lasting relationship is to work toward building a stronger, more intimate bond.
“Communication is important because it fosters trust and connection,” says Shelley Sommerfeldt, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships. “In order to have an open, honest, and vulnerable relationship with our partner, we must be able to freely communicate in a healthy manner,” claims Sommerfeldt.
Divorce lawyers Freed Marcroft offer some practical tips for better communication with your partner. A few of these include practicing active listening, using “I” statements, paying attention to nonverbal communication, practicing empathy, being open to compromise, avoiding criticism and blame, and scheduling regular check-ins.
Relationships, especially romantic ones, take a lot of work any way you look at them. The best thing you can do is be open and truthful with each other and, ideally, not keep any secrets like OP’s husband did.
Wereached out to psychologist Dr. Deborah Hecker to get her take on OP’s situation.
She had this to say, “Honesty in romantic relationships is critically important. Often, people fear that telling their partner the truth will unleash conflict that will endanger the relationship – so they lie. Lies between partners, even seemingly harmless lies, have tremendous potential to destroy and undermine a relationship,”
Hecker went on to add, “Honesty is about being authentic and genuine with both yourself and your partner. It means saying what you think without hiding or manipulating your words, even when it is inconvenient. Honesty helps you communicate your needs and fears. Most importantly, honesty can deepen trust and create intimacy so that partners feel safe enough to handle the tough stuff together.”
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she overreacted, or was it not that big a deal? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers urged the woman to find out from her husband if he was harboring any other secrets and slammed him for his manipulation
